Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Top Five Regrets Of The Dying

>>There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'.
Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of Dying.

Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."<<

As for this blogger, the simplest way to live is to live the life of a liberal and celebrate liberty. After all, John Stewart Mill defined liberty as (my paraphrase) "the right to live our life in the best way as we see fit without preventing others from doing the same."

In the current climate of ours, we are looking at political infighting. Honesty is the topic of discussion among thieves. And sometimes, honour.

But I am nothing. So, just let me do what I wish to do, so long as I do not prevent you from what you want to do. Likewise, you should not prevent me from doing what I want to do, so long as you get to do what you wish to do.

I think wish for peace over violence, no matter how great the treachery. I can live with treachery but not in violence.


walla said...

A: Are you still alive?
B: I wish i was dead.
A: It seems you regret.
B: Regret regretting.
A: Is that possible?
B: Stripped of feelings, anything is possible.
A: Feelings as in joy and pain?
B: Pains have mechanisms. Maybe joy too.
A: Without feelings, we will not be alive.
B: With feelings, we may regret our lives.
A: Price for everything?
B: Because we learn to care.
A: Caring is pain?
B: What do you expect from life?
A: I expect nothing from life.
B: Freedom from frames of reference.
A: At point centres of circles, no reference possible.
B: Without references, no notion of self.
A: Without self, no attachment.
B: With no attachment, change has no effect.
A: With no effect, no regret.
B: Why regret?
A: Because other choices could have been made.
B: But they were not so why regret?
A: Because we care.
B: We have changed positions.
A: Because we try to see things in each other's shoes.
B: What do you see?
A: Histories repeating themselves.
B: Because people don't learn from those before them?
A: Because they think situations are different when they are the same.
B: Why do they think same is different?
A: They think their selves are different from other selves.
B: But in a constant whirlpool, there are no selves.
A: Without selves, neither same nor different.
B: So nothing to regret.
A: In life inasmuch imminent death.

walla said...

C: They are talking about selves.
D: Without a self, how can there be anything to save?
C: Without saving, why the need for the notion of self?
D: But self may exist independent of saving.
C: What if there is no saving?
D: Then we lead ordinary lives.
C: In extraordinary ways?
D: A choice. Obviously one can't lead an extraordinary life
in an ordinary way although one can lead an ordinary life in
an ordinary way or in the limits, an extraordinary life in an
equally extraordinary way. Some say not the fear of death but
the fear of not living well.
C: Why are you trying to confuse people?
D: Not confusion. Deflection.
C: Ah. A scheme.
D: No. A scam.
C: What in mind?
D: I want all the positive roundings in all the GST tax invoices.
C: Ah. I can see how big will be the total. Small small make big big.
D: Just wire the whole lot to seychelles. Lately caymans has received
too much publicity.
C: You want the rounding total in what currency?
D: US dollar or units will do.
C: And the interest income for large sums in private accounts?
D: Since the deposits are already so big, no one will miss the few million
in interest income. So, do the necessary and the needful. Open another even
more private account and sweep the whole lot into it.
C: But it will all be reported.
D: Don't worry about electronic records. See the delete button? If not, fire all investigators, disband all committees and whitewash all crimes.
C: But conscience?
D: What's that? Animal, vegetable or mineral?
C: None of the three but a hybrid of self-and-saving.
D: Look, the matter is super serious. The Party is about to fold. Because the implication is that the last general elections can be declared null and void. Which means the present incumbent government is illegal. And when that happens, habis semua cerita.
C: But what about the voters?
D: Them or us. Make up your mind. Quickly.
C: They voted for us.
D: An unnecessary dependence. Too bad for them. Hard luck. Life's tough. One born every minute.
C: Please, don't you have a conscience?
D: Don't repeat your questions. I am D. Remember the name.
C: Dolt, donkey or dumbkopf?
D: That's it. You're fired.
C: I already died long ago. But there are still some alive.
D: They'll manage. They'll pull through. Look, we are doing this for development and unity.
C: The word development is inside that corporation that is under intense scrutiny, no? The word unity already defaced long ago and has as little value today as the currency which has become totally anemic.
D: Others too.
C: But the anemic currency will destabilize the foreign workers who will next demand higher wages and or leave, destroying completely the two major industries upon which the lowest forty percent depend to survive especially when prices will take another hit and hike beyond belief.
D: Our export goods will be more price-competitive.
C: In a global economy that is not increasing? Without imports, how can we make exports?
D: Don't worry. Let us pray.
C: You think He will recognize your corporate social responsibility when it was encashed as a donation from unspecifiable persons for non-declarable reasons to anonymized destinations?
D: Why so long-winded? Just trust us. It's for the state's race, religion and party.
C: If so, why quiet over cow-gate? After all, started in the same state.
D: An oversight. The world's too complicated. We must solve one thing at a time.
C: By burying everyone who asks questions only or disagrees with injustice?
D: No comments. See my lawyer.

walla said...